Story by Jawahara Saidullah, AIWC Düsseldorf
Interview by Mary Adams, AWC The Hague
Since its founding, the International Women’s Writing Guild (IWWG) has championed the power of women’s voices, ensuring they are heard, celebrated and shared. In 2025, its anthology efforts align with the 69th United Nations Commission on the Status of Women. This event is a call to action, reminding us of the power of storytelling to illuminate the 12 critical areas of concern outlined in the Beijing Platform for Action – from education and health to climate justice and human rights. The 2025 IWWG Anthology, supported by The de Groot Foundation, brings together voices from around the world to reflect on these themes.
Women from FAWCO took the opportunity to share stories with IWWG that touched on 11 of the critical concerns: Human Rights, Education & Training, Poverty, Economy, Health, Power & Decision-Making, Institutional Mechanisms, Environment, Violence Against Women, Media and the Girl Child. The FAWCO Human Rights Team is proud to publish these works and interviews with the six authors in the coming months.
In the second of our series, we feature “Count and Recount" by Jawahara Saidullah, AIWC Düsseldorf. The story examines what happens when the illusion of a harmonious arranged marriage turns into the brutal reality of domestic abuse. The narrative divides the story by counting the days before the marriage and recounting them after the marriage.
Count
First meeting: he accompanied his parents and younger sister to see me. We liked each other, our parents liked each other, our families seemed to mesh, priests matched our horoscopes. I waited for my life to begin.
Second, third, fourth: at relatives’ homes. We walked in the garden while our parents drank tea inside. We talked about our plans, children, our futures. How could two strangers wants and desires, our hopes and dreams be so alike? It was Kismat, perhaps? Our hands brushed. I felt warm all over.
Fifth: he said he wanted to marry me. He was sure about it. So was I. He liked that I wanted to stay home, have children, look after him and his family. Why else did he want to marry me, to take care of me? It was perfect. Love ran like fire through my veins. And his?
Sixth: our engagement party, at my house, with our families and 150 guests. There was lots of food. The cake was heart-shaped, our names written on it in gold, intertwined. We cut it together, his hand on top of mine. He slipped a delicate gold ring with one diamond on to my finger. I put an embossed gold ring on his. The claps and shouts of joy and well wishes from the family and friends crowded around us reverberated in my ears. I saw only him, smiling into my eyes.
Six to 25: over eight months. Being engaged, we could be alone, unchaperoned. We went to the movies, to dinner, for motorbike rides. We held hands, kissed hotly.
Recount
One: our wedding took hours. The priest chanted Sanskrit shlokas, spooning ghee into the holy fire. The end of my sari was tied to his silk scarf. We walked around the fire seven times. He led four times, I led three. Seven lifetimes together. The glow of the wedding fire lit me up from the inside and shone on his handsome face. Day one of our married life together.
Two: unbanked fire roared between us; skin scented by the jasmine blossoms crushed beneath us. We also became one. It was poetic. I was in love with him, in love with love.
Two to 120: we lived with his parents in their large house. Life was normal but different from what I had been used to. That was to be expected, of course. I was no longer a daughter. I was a wife and a daughter-in-law. The family business is failing. Ask your parents for money, they said sweetly. I tried, I couldn’t. He asked, they asked, every day. They cajoled, shouted, called me names. I couldn’t. I knew how much my parents had spent on the wedding, how many responsibilities they still bore.
121-179: More of the same. I was useless. Utterly useless. Who did I think I was? I could help them by asking my parents for money? How could my parents not have that kind of money? I was a liar in addition to being useless. Did I know there was a rich merchant’s daughter who was perfect for him? They should have chosen her. She would make a much better wife than me. Here parents truly loved her. They would give any amount of money for her happiness.
180: the liquid his mother splashed on me, as I washed dishes at the sink, was icy-cold. For an instant. I turned, then saw the blue flame of the matchstick she had just struck. It was tiny, inconsequential until it touched the edge of my sari. Then it blazed, devouring the cloth in its path. She ran out the kitchen door, closing it behind her. Through the agony tearing me apart I saw his face outside the open kitchen window. He was outside, watching. Our eyes met; he looked down and walked away. Even more fiery pain exploded in every molecule of my being.
There is nothing left to count.
Author Biography
Originally from India, Jawahara currently lives in Düsseldorf but has spent most of her adult life in the United States. Her first novel The Burden of Foreknowledge (2007) was published by Roli Press, and her second Where the Rivers Meet (Tara Press) was published in November 2023. In June 2024 her full-length non-fiction work, We Are…Warrior Queens was published by Scarsdale Publishing. Jawahara’s flash fiction, short stories and articles have appeared online, in literary journals, magazines and newspapers.
Nostalgic for the oral storytelling traditions of her childhood, Jawahara launched Kissa: A Story Podcast, in 2022. In addition to writing, telling stories, and spending time with her family, Jawahara is the President of the American International Women’s Club of Düsseldorf (AIWCD), an organization that creates an English-language speaking community for expats in the NRW.
Interview with the Author
I am so honored to be among this talented and passionate group of women writers. It highlights the immense power and strength we have when we come together. Ultimately, I am interested in women's stories and stories about them. I love writing them and I love reading them. Thank you IWWG for this opportunity.
Why did you choose to participate in the IWWG anthology reflecting on Beijing Platform for Action progress?
I believe in highlighting and discussing issues as the first step towards making positive changes. Most of my writing reflects this. Interestingly, I had just completed writing a non-fiction flash and a fiction flash on this issue. The non-fiction piece was accepted at another publication. It seemed like serendipity that just as I completed the fiction piece, this call for submissions landed in my inbox. I couldn't not submit.
How do your personal experiences influence the way you approach human rights topics in your writing?
I think growing up as a Muslim woman, especially in India in the 1980's gave me a first-hand view of many human rights issues. While I had a relatively normal upper middle-class, secular, fairly liberal upbringing it was impossible to ignore many issues I saw around me. This comes through in what I write about and how I experience life.
Can you describe how your background—whether cultural, academic, or professional—shapes your views on human rights for women?
Growing up in India was a dichotomous experience. On the one hand, I came of age during a time when bride-burning (as it was called) was on the rise, public molestations were commonplace and there was a general sense of misogyny. On the other, I was surrounded by a variety of amazingly strong female role models. For most of my childhood, the Prime Minister of India was Indira Gandhi. My historical role models have always been India's many, many warrior queens. Straddling these two discordant realities informs my view of women's status, as well as their potential for greatness. I saw the disproportionate abuses heaped on women...but I also saw the power that women could wield, even if they didn't recognize this fact themselves.
What role do you think storytelling plays in human rights advocacy and creating social change?
Stories have historically been the means by which humans have learned what it means to be human. Stories from historical epics, religious texts, literature and oral traditions help create our socio-cultural realities. It stands to reason, therefore, that stories can help us advocate for human rights and affect social change.
How do you see the role of authors evolving in the human rights movement, especially with the rise of digital media and social platforms?
Authors have always been instrumental in the human rights movement.The rise of digital media and social platforms is a double-edged sword for writers. We have the potential for making a positive difference by being heard by a much wider audience than ever, but there is also the danger of getting lost in Internet noise. Honestly, as a writer I want to write, not jostle among a cacophony of voices online. I'd prefer my writing to speak for itself but that is not practical any longer. I am still coming to terms with this because I'm inherently uncomfortable talking about my writing to get more eyes on it. I'd rather just write. I guess the short answer is, I don't really know. I'm conflicted.
What impact do you hope your work will have on public awareness or attitudes toward human rights for women?
I'd like my writing to show that women and women's rights are not monolithic. Women are individuals, parts of various cultures and what works for one group might not be the priority for others. In the past, Western feminist movements have not been very respectful of the very real differences among 51% of the world's population. I'd like my work to dismantle stereotypes and highlight issues faced by the populations I straddle. I also want to illustrate that women, even in countries where you think they are, are not eternal victims. They are powerful and strong and can craft their own solutions that work for them. We all don't have to be the same to be part of a world community.
Looking ahead, what are some human rights issues or themes you would like to explore more in your future works?
I am very vested in undermining gender-based violence. Some examples are: public harassment of girls and women, long-term ripple effects of sexual assault on society at large, rights of women in marriage, especially as they relate to marital rape and physical abuse. A sub-area in this spectrum that I've been obsessed with lately is acid attacks. This horrific gender-specific violence aims at stripping women of their identities and bestowing unimaginable pain on them. I am looking for a reputable South-Asian organization that works on this issue and I'd like to be involved at any level I can.
